I have been staring at my screen, thinking of how to start this write-up. I haven’t been here for a while and to think of what’s bringing me here today…… I am gathering momentum.
The first time I lost a little friend of mine…I called him my boyfriend, I cried so broken heartedly. He was chubby, full of life and took a special liking to me. But still he left over a very brief ailment. I felt for his mom. Often and on, I remember him and I smile. He was barely one year.
Then yesterday, I lost another small boyfriend to acute Lymphomatic Leukemia. He was an outstanding young boy. His life is a positive message. By the way, I still feel he will knock on my door and walk in like he used to. I am yet to process his death….. Maybe because I saw him beathe his last in front of me and afterwards, he looked like he was sleeping or maybe, even though I knew it was a terrible ailment he got, somehow , I thought we had more time to spend with him. You know the scariest part, I get to see his burial spot everytime I step out to my balcony. Yeah, only a wall seperated our living quarters.
In a time like this when teenagers demand a tip before or after they do anything for you,Ikechukwu was the last to do that. He was the most cheerful giver. He went the extra, extra mile, especially for a teenager. He was only 11 years.
And now, I ponder like never before, “what happens to us when we die” We know there’s the clinical death which lasts between 4 – 6 mins from the moment a person stops breathing and the heart stops pumping blood . Then, there’s the biological death when the body organs shut down and the cells begin to degenerate. Rigor Mortis sets in making the body stiff and rigid caused by calcuim leaking into the muscle cells, which binds to protein and causes then to contract. Too much medical jargon abi? I thought so too.
My main question however lies with what happens to the spirit. Did it leave immediately the body gave up? Did it hover around and watched us plead for him to come back? Where is the Spirit now? Dear Lord,I need to understand this thing. He was talking this moment and the next moment he gasped for breath and gave up. He didn’t fight much towards the end. He has been fighting since January but cancer didn’t bulge. Some people that have come back to life after their heart stopped pumping bloods said, “there was nothing, they felt at peace, they were rooted to a spot”. Someother said that, ” a dead loved one or an angel sent them back.”. What really happens when a person breathes his last?
Somethings we can’t explain. Somethings we won’t ever explain. Somethings we can’t get over but will only endure.
This reminds me of a Poem(generally attributed to Stephen Grellet) our Noble principal, Chief Mrs E.U. Onwuagha taught us in secondary school: “I shall pass this way but once ; any good I can do or any kindness I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer it nor neglect it, for I shall pass this way but once” .
What is that good thing you are doing? Don’t stop. What is that good thing you want to do? Don’t defer it any longer. I have been asking myself and hoping that I was good enough to Ikechukwu.
I still haven’t fully processed this but I will try and be proactive and be a better person to all young people around me. They die young too and there’s really nothing we can do about death. Or is there?
May the Lights guide you home Ik Nwoke m. May the angels welcome you with such Joy.