The Child, The Mother and Sexual Abuse Disclosure.

Somthings will not always remain a secret. For everyone that is going through a phase, it gets to the time when he/she will decide to be free and the first stage to freedom starts with Disclosure.

I found out a lot of meaning associated with disclosure but the definition from www.vocabulary.com will suffice for what we are to discuss. Disclosure is derived from the French word ‘desclos’ meaning to open or to disclose. Disclosure is to “put something out in the open, usually information that was formally secret”.  Sexual Abuse disclosure is the secret of sexual abuse being exposed or told . Sexual Abuse always thrives in secrecy . Abusers use threat, fear and intimidation to keep victims bondage which gives room for the abuse to thrive. However, it gets to a time when victims find the courage to break out and speak up against their abuser. This is when disclosure takes place.

When a child discloses abuse, it is a critical approach in initiating intervention to stop the abuse, address it’s immediate effects and disclose the likelihood of negative long-term outcome.

The disclosure of abuse occurs in different levels. Most children don’t tell because they may not know the language to use in expressing themselves  or because they are afraid and are unsure if they will be believed. The children that muster courage to disclose may do so bit by bit, giving hints of the abuse or hints of something that is wrong . Some children don’t also tell because they are afraid of the consequences. When a child surmounts the battle raging in his heart to disclose an abuse, the reaction of the person he disclosed to is very crucial to the healing process of the child.

Mothers are always the first person the child discloses to, even though some may not be full disclosure at first. Mothers have been built to “know how to manage certain situations” better than men. So,it is heartbreaking when mothers aren’t available for the hurting child to get across to. Some mothers are uninformed and clueless about sexual abuse and by that, they don’t know the signs or get the clues when children need their help. A mother’s reaction to disclosure affects the child’s decision to keep disclosing , withdraw the disclosure and still remain abused. A child may lie if he/she discovers she isn’t believed or confused about the reactions following the disclosure. Mothers need to manage their emotions properly, believe and support the child to take appropriate protective actions.

In the mother’s defense, there are many conflicting emotions that will surge through the mother when she discovers her child is being abused. The mother may experience feelings of shock, anger, denial, guilt, depression at first. She may also be severely affected especially if the abuser has a close relationship with the abuser . But in all of her conficting emotions, she must know that it is first and foremost about the child. Disclosure and the events that happen after should have the child at the center of any intervention program.

Mothers should learn how to cope with disclosure. If a child discloses any abuse, you should by all means believe in the child. Acceptance and validation is all the child needs. You as the mother should never make the child feel less than he/she is already feeling. Don’t blame the child for any reasons, instead cheer up the child by praising him/her on the courage to speak up. Let the child know that the abuse wasn’t his/her fault.

Healthy mindset and emotions will help the mother to survive the disclosure process, support their child and help them to heal and recover from the process. Whereas , an unhealthy mindset and emotions will worsen the crisis and cause harmful results to the child, the mother and other members of the family.

Disclosure affects the whole family but it takes wisdom and courage to intervene and create enabling environment for the child to heal. Always remember that Disclosure and any intervention process is first and foremost about the CHILD.

 

References:

Mothers of Sexually Abused Children. www.mosac.net.

 

Do you know any child that is going through any form  of abuse and  needs to disclose the abuse?

Are you in any form of abuse and needs someone to talk to?

Are you a leader in any youth organization, schools and church and wants your children to know about Healthy body image,then send us a message or call this number: 09059606812. You can also send a message to our IG page using @lifeclasswithada.

#fortheloveofeverychild.

 

 

The Journey So Far. 2

I wont talk much here. I already did in the part one of this post. You can read it here The Journey So Far .

Our projects in Pictures.

IMG_20170830_113227.jpgThe face when we talk to save lives

IMG_20170830_105914.jpgAnd the attention was intense

IMG_20170812_124607.jpgMothers are Awesome

IMG_20170812_121750.jpgUsing my voice for good

IMG_20170812_124555.jpgMothers  are ready to help the next generation with knowledge.

IMG_20170322_113506.jpgSometimes, we have to be forceful with our NO. Assured Tender Care pupils are awesome.

 

The Journey So Far

“We are doing this because we know there are millions of people out there that will need our services and more so, there are numerous people that are willing tom serve God and Humanity throigh their acts of kindness and charitable giving”

Like some of the things that I do, Family Lounge Initiative started on a whim. I am an impulsive person and sometimes, I am grateful for that part of me. If I weren’t impulsive, I won’t have taken some steps that brought me to the Master’s plan for my life.  Purpose is discovered by Doing. I have done somethings in trying to discover my purpose and now I know that this is “It”. Being responsible for people (especially those that aren’t biologically connected to you gives you a new sense of living and direction. It also helps to mould your character. You discover your strength and your weakness and most especially, it builds your faith. I am not Mother Theresa  (that woman’s faith is on another level for sure) but I keep learning from women that have given their lives for others.

Our first time Outreach at Urum, Awka North in 2016 made me realize that there are people willing to share their resources (cash and kind) with others. We had a successful outing because people cared. I discovered there and then that I am only a middleman. I stand in to represent God to the people through our outreaches and He supplies our needs through people. No man is really an Island. We have continued since then, doing the little we can and seeing God at work.

I must confess, there are days I have questioned the purpose of this, doubted myself, questioned God and why he has given such big ideas(they make my head wanna pop in different direction atimes). I have started on the road to discouragement some days but He always pulls me back.

I remember when the wife of a certain Anglican priest asked me to deliver a Talk on Child Sexual Abuse in their diocesan program, I felt on top of the world. I sure didn’t disappoint them because she called me back for another program (winks winks). I am taking baby steps and grateful each day for the opportunity. We have taken the Child Safety message to children in some schools too. 2017 was the year our Children’s Day “BE Bold To Protect Your Body” outreach started. Children of the selected school learnt how to how to be safe from predators and how to care for their bodies and the senior girls went home with Sanitary pads and every child went home with a copy of our “Be Bold To Protect Your Body” book.

Books are gateway to the world. Yet, only a  few people are exposed to the beauty and knowledge we discover in the pages of a good book. We have realized that lots of children are willing to read but there are no books available to them because their parents cannot afford to buy books for them. We also know that there are people that have books stacked in cartons and bags in their house gathering dust while others are in need of it. So, 2017, we called for Used Books. The response from different parts of the country overwhelmed us. Bags of books were sent to us and the kids that got them were the most excited. They didn’t only get books, they also got writing materials for the new school session.

We collect used Clothing, household items of all kinds. We have discovered that people are willing to declutter their house and give away things they aren’t using anymore. There’s really a certain joy that envelopes you when someone uses your gift. It gives us an insight into the Joy God gets when we use the power in the name of Jesus.

I have an amazing team, always nudging me on and taking No for an answer from me. The life I live now is a reality that seems like a beautiful Disney movie. Abeg, make this film no end o.

February ushered in another era of our lives. We held our second “Girls Affair” program and the effects on our lives and the participants will never wear off. Girls Affair is our Girls Only program where we empower girls with information and knowledge that will help them to make healthy life choices. We also empower them with skills that will help alleviate poverty in their lives. However, what we didn’t prepare for (but God already knew) was that our Teen Moms project was going to kick off from there. Our first assignment with regards to that has been a success so far. You will never know how far you can go until you step out.

Daily, we do plus and minus (in my mom’s voice). We have just started and we have no plans to stop. Why am I putting up this chronicle? To showcase ourselves as good people? Definitely not. We are doing this because we know that there are millions of people out there that will need our services and more so, there are numerous people that are willing to serve God and Humanity through their acts of kindness and charitable giving. So, we use our voice, our hands and our legs as channels for God to reach His people. You can join this chariot.

Are you interested in partnering with us or sponsoring any of our projects? Please, we will be glad to hear from you. Call us or send a message to 09059606812.

Abeg, I don talk plenty. Let me allow you enjoy some pictures here and in the next post.

Zippy with the Girl’s Health TalkDSC_0716

family2The Senior Pupils of BenBee Unique School came prepared.

DSC_0688.JPGBoy’s Timeout with Uncle Amos

DSC_0696.JPGEvery child got gifts.

Your school can be part of this special program. All you need to do is to hit us up and we will take it from there.

One love people!